by | Mar 6, 2020 | Opinions

Five Ugliest Builds at SEMA 2019

I know your Jeep is your baby and all, but not all babies are beautiful.  Most people are polite enough not to point at an ugly baby and scream, “My God she’s ugly!”  I guess I’m not one of those people, so here’s my list of the five ugliest builds at SEMA 2019. Plus four bonus pictures–sad to say it was really hard to narrow my list down to five.

  1. I’m sorry ARIES but that wrap looks like my grandson barfed up his Halloween Skittles (I know because grandpa gave him too much Halloween candy).  Not much else to say.
  2. I’m sorry to say this because I love Nitto tires, but adding Dumbo’s ears to the front of a Jeep is not a good look.  As far as the paint job, I think I owned a bottle of Testor’s model paint in 1965 which was the same color.  Metallic teal I think.  And the gold just screams pimp-mobile.
  3. Not sure what to say other than at least it’s bullet-proof.  Honestly, it is.  I guess I should mention the front grille that looks like my grandmother’s shutters.  That would be cool though if you could raise and lower them and adjust the slant.  If you could do that while driving it would really be awesome.
  4. I think they got that grille from a 1954 Studebaker.  It looks like some ugly animals beak I just can’t think of which animal at the moment.  Now that I think about it, the hood probably came from the same Studebaker.
  5. I should mention right up front that Jeep number five, the bondage-mobile, rated two photos.  (Why do the shackles make me think nipple rings?)  I think the scariest thing is the mind that came up with this build is driving around with a machine gun on the roll bar.

Now the four bonus pics.  I wouldn’t necessarily describe these as ugly (at least not in the same category as the others) they just make you ask why?

  1. In my opinion, one should not mess with the trademark Jeep grille.  More importantly, if this Jeep pulls up behind some little old lady at a light she’ll think Jaws is going to eat her alive.
  2. I don’t care for the angular look a lot of the builds and new products went for.  What really makes me wonder why though is the shackles–they are the same style used on the bondage-mobile.  (Once again I’m thinking of nipple rings.  Is this a conspiracy?)  To be fair this Jeep might not have made the list except how it compares negatively to Westin’s other build.
  3. My niece will kill me for this one because she would do the same thing, but seriously a Jeep with pink accents?  I think if you’re a guy and were seen riding shotgun in this Jeep you would immediately have your man card revoked.  Sorry if I”m being sexist, but I think it’s a reasonable assumption that the Jeep’s owner is female.
  4. I think they replaced the left headlight with an air intake, but all I see when I look at this build is the toilet bowl in an outhouse.  Not sure how street legal that configuration is.

All in good fun guys and gals.  I guess in our modern world where schoolkids get an award for just showing up we have to give them a round of applause for trying.  Even the Wright Brothers crashed a few times.